Zoorama!
by xxpitchjasperxx
Summary: This story is about a trip to the zoo. This is my 2nd fanfic and my 1st attempt at some fun for the characters. I'm thinking humor here. I'm rating it M for language but some minor adult scenes might come later on. It all depends on what fits.
1. Chapter 1

NOTE: I did this one out of pure fun. My friend said you should write about them going to the zoo so here I am writing about a trip to the zoo. I'm going for humor here ha. so enjoy. Hope I don't offend anyone but if I did that would just be so weird…ha.

"Zoo"

Chapter1

Edward P.O.V.

"Emmett Cullen! What the hell were you thinking?!" I heard Rosalie snap out loudly at Emmett.

I just snickered quietly trying my best to not burst out laughing with Bella right beside me soundly asleep. We had rented A Tale of Two Cities to watch for our summer reading. That book was way too hard to read for the both of us so we just decided to watch the movie instead.

"Damnit Emmett! No excuses! I let the last one slip but not this time. You know how much I enjoy my cars and you had no right to just pick a fight on my M3 like that! I just put a brand new Turbo on it!" She wailed.

"But Baby--"

"Don't give me but baby! If you wanted another wrestling match with Jasper all you had to do was go out in the damn woods!"

I heard Emmett's frantic thoughts overflow. He was in so much trouble. I heard Alice and Jasper upstairs laughing so hard they fell on the floor causing a loud bang. That almost woke Bella. She turned to her side facing away from me. I just leaned down and kissed her forehead.

"Rose, I'll never do it again! You can trust me baby."

"You ignorant slut Emmett! I could count on a promise of you as much as I could count on Edward changing Bella this second!"

I stiffened. That hit a nerve. I swear Rosalie can be such a--"

"Bang!"

I heard the booming sound of Rosalie's slap on Emmett.

"Don't you dare try to sweet talk me this time Emmett! The kitchen is closed!"

"Rose baby--"

And just like that she was gone somewhere over in the garage toying with her car. I heard a string of profanities and I was grateful only a vampire could hear.

Only the boom of the slap on Emmett not only woke Bella but caused the Flat screen TV to fall to the floor and crashed everywhere. I quickly pulled Bella up blocking her from the flying glass. Bella jumped up startled.

"Wha—No! Don't do it!"

I chuckled, "Bella its okay, the TV just fell."

She gave me the most hilarious look, "Wha--?!"

"Rosalie was having a fight with Emmett." I explained.

"Oh," she said.

"So, how was your nap?"

"Oh shoot! I fell asleep!"

"Don't worry you didn't miss much. Darnay just asked the Doctor to tell the girl he loved that he loves her."

"OH. Hmm. Well, is there anything special you have planned today then?"

"Hhmm."

Rosalie's P.O.V.

_Emmett is going to die! I'm going to kill him! How dare he!_

"My brand new Turbo squashed to pieces! Ugh Emmett Cullen!!"

I started pulling tools out of the garage and went to work at vampire speed. This car _is_ going to be fixed by noon!

Emmett's P.O.V.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit! Ah man I got to get out of this….what to do, what to do! Wait! Edward! Yes he could help me out!

"Emmett don't go there! I'm not getting myself into your stupid immature situations."

"Ah, come on Edward! You can bring Bella!"

"That's just it I'm not getting Bella involved in your stupid ness."

"But Edward I have an idea that might calm Rose down. She's so mad at me."

Brilliant plan mine was. I was going to take Rose to Seattle and visit their zoo. She would have a blast laughing at all the monkies acting like asses.

"Hell, NO!"

"Edward it would be so much fun. Think of Bella, she needs some human moments!"

I knew just where to hit him and I did. Bella, his weakness. I was working on him now cause he slowly sighed and said, "Fine, but if something happens to Bella….I swear I'll--!"

"Don't worry." I said. Now all I had to do was get Rose. I'm going to need Jasper's help first thought…

Bella P.O.V.

_What THE HELL?!!!_


	2. Chapter 2

NOTE: This is so much fun writing. I hope you all will enjoy it. I'm putting in some Alice and Jasper this time. Ah love it. Enjoy!

"Zoorama"

Chapter 2

Edward P.O.V.

I was so reluctant to go to the zoo, especially with Emmett. Only God knows what could go wrong now. I looked at Bella and smiled. She looked so confused it was funny. She'd eventually find out. As I walked up the stairs with Bella's hand in mine I felt the urge to burst out laughing.

Bella just stared at me and went, "What's so funny?"

Then all of a sudden she busted out laughing. I could barely stop but I had enough anger to yell out, "Damnit Jasper!"

To my relief he stopped and Bella looked furious. She gave me this look like she was going to kill him. At this point I would let her if she could. Despite Emmett's worried thoughts of Rosalie he forgot everything and started to burst out laughing with his booming laugh at me and Bella. I just growled.

I heard Rosalie curse then yell out, "Emmett shut the hell up! I'm trying to concentrate here!"

I just snickered and walked in Alice's room. The door was wide open and there on the floor was Alice and Jasper laughing hysterically.

Damn manipulative powers. I'll kill him one day just watch.

Bella P.O.V.

I had no idea what was going on. I just stood there holding Edwards hand gaping like and idiot. I've never seen Alice and Jasper like that. Edward was glaring at Jasper as he got up off the floor and slammed into the wall still laughing. I let out a snicker. It was kind of funny. I turned around and saw Emmett's hysterical face twisted still upset at the Rosalie burst just now. Alice saw that and started laughing on the floor again. Edward cleared his throat.

"Ack-hem."

Everyone went silent now. Emmett broke the silence, "So, Jasper I need a little bit of help…you see Rosalie is--"

Alice broke him off, "We know."

"Of course." Edward whispered in my ear.

"Hold up! So Alice you're saying you knew the whole time what was going on and you, you just laughed! Ridiculous! I swear you guys--" Emmett trailed off.

"It was just so tempting; you should have seen the look on your face--"

Edward interrupted Jasper, "It doesn't matter just answer this question. Are you two going to join us for our stupid trip to the zoo?"

"The ZOO!" I shouted.

Jasper just burst out laughing followed by Alice. I couldn't believe they wanted to go to the zoo! Vampires wanting to go to the zoo!

"It was Emmett's idea." Edward murmured.

"Oh my god.", was all I could say.

"I know. Alice I repeat are you going or not?" Edward asked.

"Of coarse we will. You're going to need all the help you can get since its Rosalie." Alice chuckled.

I could tell by the way Edward tightened my grip that this wasn't going to be a good idea.

"So Emmett, why don't you get Rosalie? We'll be in the car waiting." Jasper said. I could just see the humor in his eyes.

Emmett P.O.V.

This was the part I was dreading the most: facing Rose. I tried to walk with what dignity I could manage as I came closer. I could just hear the others laughing at me behind my back.

_Well, eventually I'd have to facer her…_

"Rose, sweetie I'm really sorry I'll make it up to--."

She peeked her head out from under her car and smiled, "Just in time I'm finished! What do you think?" She said as she was now leaning on me with her arms around my neck.

I was so astonished. How had her mood changed so drastically?! It must have been Jasper there's no other explanation. Oh sweet mother of God, She looked like a goddess covered in all that oil. I wanted her bad….

"God, Emmett!" I heard Edward yell from somewhere away.

She had changed into a work suit of hers and now had oil and grease all over her. Not to mention her suit was almost half open exposing a lot of cleavage. It was hot. Way too damn attractive. I was lucky that her cars change affected her mood or this would be so much harder. It was already hard with the way she looked…so sexy...

"EMMETT!" Edward was furious by now. It wasn't my fault my thoughts existed. That was his problem, not mine.

Rosalie just laughed. "Well?"

"Um…it looks…great…" I wander if she noticed I was starring at her chest instead of the car. Didn't have to wonder long.

She yelled, "Emmett damnit! The car not my breasts! Geez get a grip on reality you stupid ignorant slut!"

Rosalie P.O.V.

I watched my Emmett's face go paler than usual as I yelled at him. I loved messing with him like this making him think like he was in trouble with me. It turns out I've been thinking about him a lot working on my and how much I missed him and his muscles. After all if it wasn't for him my beautiful M3 wouldn't look as great as it did now. So in a way he did me a huge favor. Oh I loved him.

"I'm-m-m so-o-o-o sorry Rose baby bu-u-"

I cut him off and came onto him. He talked way too much….

Emmett P.O.V.

I was so shocked at the way Rose was acting but I didn't care long enough to ask. I swear I will never get that woman! So I kissed her back. Wonder if we had time for a quickie…..

"Beep!" It was the horn from Edward's Volvo. I suddenly remembered my mission and gave Rose one last kiss on her neck and said, "Hey Rose, I have a surprise for you. You first need to get changed though. We're going out somewhere."

That caught her attention. She was all over me and now she looked up, "Really? And what's that?"

"Well, I thought I'd cheer you up and take you somewhere, go on a little field trip…"

"Ooooo. Field trip Emmett. Where?"

"That's a surprise. C'mon get ready they're waiting for us."

"THEY'RE!!!" Oh no, she looked mad, no furious.

"I thought you were giving _me _a surprise!"

"Oh Baby don't act like that, it'll be fun, a family thing."

She looked so angry now so I thought of something else.

"I'll take you on another honeymoon….._early._"

That lightened her mood, "Okayyy, but it has to be somewhere far away from here. Definitely no family."

"Done!" And I took her hand and led her back to the house.


	3. Chapter 3

NOTE: Okay so I know so far chapters 1&2 have been short but that's because they've been sort of an intro to the story. So here's when things pick up a bit. I do enjoy writing this but I wouldn't mind some reviews…hint hint…..

"Zoorama"

Chapter 3

Bella P.O.V.

We were all standing next to Edward's Volvo waiting for Emmett and Rosalie. The last I saw they went in the house. I could say its been about a good half hour but then again I'm not sure. I always seem to loose track of time when I'm with Edward, especially when he's doing things like what he's doing right now.

He had me pinned to the Volvo with his hands forming guards around me. He was breathing my scent in, that was obvious, while brushing back and forth along my neck with his kisses he was planting. His very touch made my heartbeat go faster. It was nearly impossible to breathe like that especially when he'd whisper my name every now and then.

He kissed me softly and said, "I love you."

"Me too" I replied then he did something that made me giggle.

"What's so funny?" he asked looking at me curiously.

"It tickled when you just did that." I explained.

"You mean this…" The look in his eye was very wicked. And just like that he was on me again brushing his lips against my collar bone over and over making me giggle like crazy.

"Hey cut that out!" I giggled. When I looked up at him he was grinning. He cocked his head to the side and leaned down again to inhale my scent when I spotted Alice and Jasper playing thumb war over against a tree.

I saw Alice grinning and heard her say, "I'm going to win this time."

"Hhhmmm I sense a change in the future……"Jasper said.

Alice squirmered in his arms and let out a gasp, "Hey you're not allowed to use your powers on me! That's cheating! Ahhhh."

Jasper snickered and went, "Ha! I won! Told you!"

"No fair, you cheated!" Alice wailed. I didn't know whether to be disturbed or just amused. I looked up at Edward still on my neck this time working his way on up to my lower lip when he stiffened and yelled, "God, NO! Emmett!"

Edward P.O.V.

Jasper was laughing now and Alice was shaking her head. It was disgusting, that Emmett. I swear that guy has the worst self-restraint I've ever seen! He and Rosalie were already going at it until I yelled and made them stop. Sometimes I hate reading minds.

"Emmett don't make me go in there!"

I heard his stupid laugh as he yelled back, "Come in here then!"

Was he testing my patience?! I looked back at Bella who was glaring at me probably knowing what I was about to do. Then I looked at Jasper and said, "I'll be back."

I was halfway in until I felt the urge to stop and looked at Jasper wearily.

"This is my fight." He said.

I was about to argue but then he was gone and storming into the house. I looked at Alice and she just shrugged. I thought I saw traces of humor in her eyes, probably knowing what was about to happen. Before I knew it Emmett flew out of the dining room window and hit some random tree nearby. It made a loud thump and I saw Bella cover up her ears. I was at her side by then laughing my butt off. This was going to be some show.

Emmett jerked right back up and threw himself on Jasper giving him a fist full. He all of a sudden went rigid and Jasper had him pinned to the ground. Bella and I just laughed. Alice was on the ground.

"That's not going to work on me this time Jasper."

Then Emmett flipped Jasper over and had him trapped in his elbow face down in the grass. He was so pinned and we were all laughing at them.

Emmett fell to the floor in seconds while Jasper got up.

"Not bad Emmett, although you still can't handle the emotion of Rosalie's scorn though!" and at that he chuckled.

"Enough!" Rosalie was storming out the house now furious as ever.

At that moment I heard Esme and Carlisle talking. I knew they weren't far and were on their way home right now. I took this as an advantage to get going.

"Okay, we got to go! Esme and Carlisle are on there way and unless you want to explain that broken glass in the dining room…"I trailed off, I knew I had them.

"Oh Shit!" Emmett yelled. He looked like he was going to die and it was hilarious.

"Alice come on, Edward you drive." Jasper chimed in.

"I'll take Rosalie's car. Rosalie!" Emmett said.

Rosalie gave him a look and he replied, "Don't worry I'm a good driver."

"Cha, yeah right." Bella whispered.

"I heard that!" Emmett yelled back.

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Knock it off, lets go Emmett."

I let Bella in the passenger seat, closed the door, and climbed in my seat. I revved the engine and looked back at Emmett. He wasn't there. I turned around and he was already flying down our driveway. I chuckled, "There goes Emmett…."

Bella laughed, "Oh look its Esme and Carlisle! Maybe we should tell them where were going." I didn't even have to read her mind if I could to know what she was thinking. Jasper yelled, "Edward floor it!" Alice just giggled.

I was actually going to roll my window down and say something to them just to get Jasper back for last week when he made me feel like I was turned on by Bella's blushing. Because of him I all of a sudden pounced on her. It took me a good five minutes to get off her, it was humiliating. I think Bella enjoyed it though. Then I had the urge to floor the gas and we were off flying past Esme and Carlisle. I'd have fun watching Jasper explain that to them later on.

Alice P.O.V.

I was too preoccupied with Jasper to notice that we were already parked outside the zoo in the parking lot. It was a good half hour drive with Edward as the driver but I barely noticed since the whole time Jasper was all over me smothering me with his attractive kissing expertise he seldom did on me. I once saw Edward raise his eyebrow in the mirror but Jasper did something that made him forget all about the backseat and focus more on Bella. I smiled. I knew what it was. He was creating a quarrel with Bella to distract him. Her face was so red and that just made things worse.

"I'm not going!" I heard Rosalie yell.

"Ah, don't be that way Rose!" Emmett yelled back.

I couldn't wait till the reptiles. I knew what was coming and just couldn't wait. Poor Bella, she has no idea. It was going to be so much fun. I grinned and Jasper saw that. He could feel through me, no doubt, what was to come. He sent me his waves of emotion that made me moan, "Jasper Hale not here!"

Jasper P.O.V.

I opened Alice's door and she jumped out in her usual hyperactive dance. Alice looked so hot today. She had on this little miniskirt and fishnets with a low-neck tank. Damn hot that's what. I could barely contain myself in that car ride….

"The ZOO Emmett! I am so not going! I hate people! You know that! Take me back now!" Rosalie interrupted my train of thought.

"Come on Rose, It'll be fun. Think of the monkies and the lizards crawling around. And oh those grizzlies behind that glass…"

"The Monkies!" Rosalie retorted, "The Monkies are a waste of time! Your so full of it Emmett. You and those damn grizzlies!"

"I can see this is going to be a problem. Baby please forgive me."

I snickered, this was my cue. "Jasper!" Emmett called my name. I just grinned and gave Rosalie a good dose of the emotion pleasure. It always works on Alice….

"Now Rose come on out Baby." Emmett spoke.

I saw Rosalie step out of the car, clearly in a trance. I knew it would work. She put her arm around Emmett and let him toward the ticket stand. This was so entertaining. Alice was right, she always is, and this was going to be a fun day. I held my hand out for Alice. She took it and led me in one of her dances she always did following Rosalie and Emmett. Edward and Bella came in behind lost in their own world I would guess.

"Okay so which way; Reptiles or Mammals?" I asked once we all go our tickets.

Alice yelled out, "Oooo Reptiles! Let's go see those Crocodiles Jasper!" Alice answered. I just laughed and pulled her towards the Reptile house. Somewhere way off I felt Bella's fear.

Bella P.O.V.

I wasn't mad at Edward anymore, which was weird. Now that I think about it I never really was mad at Edward for the whole zoo idea….Wait a second…..

_Jasper!_

Why that little…I oughta—"Bella what's wrong?" Edward asked as he led me into the zoo.

I looked at him furious now, "Jasper….." He knew what I was trying to tell him. I was so mad. Jasper was starting to act more like Emmett each day. He's definitely been hanging out with Emmett way too much.

"Don't worry he's going to have it when we get home and he has to face Esme. You should have heard the mess her thoughts were in when Emmett raced past her." He chuckled.

That thought made me giggle.

"How do you feel about snaked?" Edward asked as we made our way into the reptile house.

The truth was I hated snaked but I wasn't about to let on. I just laughed weakly, "Snakes, ha!", and walked in the dark habitat building with Edwards's hand. He led the way and I gritted my teeth.

I couldn't see Alice or Jasper anywhere. Knowing them they were probably already over at the crocodiles. Alice once mentioned that jasper use to love hunting crocodiles in his civil war days, I didn't believe her at the time because it was so insane but with hi you never know.

Rosalie gave me a glare as she turned around to glance at what was taking Edward and me so long. It was great to know she was back to her old self again. I can't help the fact that I'm the only human here geez!

Edward let out a low growl sensing her glare and she snorted. We were so lucky that we were the only ones in the building at the moment.

"Check out the size of that!" Emmett said.

Then it all happened at once.

Rosalie slammed Emmett into one of the glass cases. I didn't see what animal or _thing_ was in there because Edward had me in his caged embrace so no glass could fling at me. I heard an alarm go off and Alice and Jasper rush over to see what was going on. Something slid across my feet and I nearly died.

"Snaaaaaaaaake!" I screamed. Yes, a snake slid across my feet! Edward picked me up and rushed me over to the end of the building. I heard Alice slap Jasper as he was laughing and Emmett yell, "What the hell was that for Rosalie--!" as Edward pulled me out the door.

"Are you okay Bella?"

I just looked at him like he was crazy. I hate snakes and of all the things that could happen--"There's been an incident in the Reptile House please report there immediately." It was some park co-workers radio going off. I turned around and a whole group of zoo workers rushed their way into the Reptile house.


	4. Chapter 4

NOTE: HA! Thanks for the reviews! You guys rock. I love you all ha. Glad you are enjoying it. So here's another crazy chapter. And greaser4life yess, this ones for you. I fixed my spelling on monkey. I dedicated a special part for you…..

"Zoorama"

Chapter 4

Rosalie P.O.V.

I don't know what the hell came over me. I just wanted Emmett so bad… "What the hell was that for Rose?" Emmett had said. They were all looking at me. What the hell were they looking at? Geez, its just broken glass…and reptiles. Ugh. If I could puke I'm sure I'd do it right now. This whole place reeked of human. I heard the stupid humans approach with their ridiculous radios going off killing my sensitive hearing. They better not lay one finger on me or I'll---"

"There's been an incident in the Reptile House please report there immediately!" I didn't want to hear this. I looked over at Alice and Jasper bickering and snorted. I looked away at the glass on the floor. I saw my reflection. How beautiful I look….a snake caught my eye. It was slithering around the floor. It made me remember the look on Bella's face…I had to grin at that.

"Owww! What was that for Alice?" Jasper yelled.

"You very much know what that was for!" Alice replied.

I turned around to see this huge red mark on Jasper's face. Emmett busted out laughing. I started to feel irritated, the fact that I was still in this room and Edward and Bella got to leave…

"I'm out of here." I said. Like hell I'd be in there with those humans. I saw Edward and Bella sitting on some bench. I went over to a tree nearby. Alice and Jasper came out and gave me a wild look.

"That was close. I didn't realize how close they were." Jasper said.

"Where's Emmett?" I asked. I had noticed he was nowhere near sight. Then on cue, I looked at the reptile house and saw Emmett run out. There was some zoo-worker talking to him.

Edward P.O.V.

I laughed when I saw Jasper's face. His face was still red from where Alice had slapped him. I would have laughed sooner but I was too preoccupied with Bella. She was so scarred. My sweet innocent angel, Bella.

"Poor Emmett, he's so nervous. Maybe we should help him out." Jasper chuckled.

I listened in on Emmett's conversation with the zoo-worker.

"I still don't understand how you could have broken that glass! That was 5" thick!" the worker said.

"Like I said, I tripped over my shoe and landed right on that glass!" Emmett explained. You could hear the way his voice was rambling on trying to save his butt.

"I'm surprised you no one got bit. That was an African viper." the man trailed off. He was so confused.

"There much have been a flaw in that glass of yours…."Emmett went on.

I lost interest in the conversation and turned to Bella who was looking at the spectacle. She looked better and I was relieved. An African viper didn't sound very pleasant. I could still see traces of hysteria on her face after the snake incident. If I had known she hated snakes…

"It should be Rosalie up there talking to that guy instead of Emmett." Jasper stated.

Smart, Jasper. I thought to myself. Rosalie was furious. She slapped Jasper hard, the hard considered to humans, of course. Alice gave Jasper a look like he was crazy.

"Jasper, your just the one to say that." Alice laughed.

_What am I going to do with him?_ Alice thought. _He can be such a little------"_

Jasper was using his powers. He was so manipulative. To think he could get away with anything….

Alice just sighed, "Jasper, you are something." He grinned and gave her another feeling. I was so sick. He would have done something else, no doubt, but Emmett walked up. Rosalie looked up at him and was at his side. Only I knew how guilty she was. For once she wasn't thinking of herself. Only she would feel something like that toward Emmett. I gave Bella a forehead kiss.

"How are you feeling?"

She smiled lightly, "Could be better." There was a short silence.

"Alright then, reptiles out, lets go see the mammals!" Alice was full of enthusiasm, like always.

"Hhmmm." Jasper was being dragged by her already.

Rosalie grabbed Emmett's hand and they went off shortly after, leaving Bella and me behind.

"Can you make it, love? Or do you need me to carry you?" I smiled at her crookedly.

"I think I can manage." She said. I took her hand and she glanced back at the mess the reptile house was in. I turned around and saw a man carry a bag. It was the snake. You could tell by the way the bag was moving in his hands. I felt Bella cringe and I squeezed her hand.

Bella P.O.V.

I forgot about the….snake. I owed that to Edward. Up ahead Alice was so cheery and happy as she pointed out the elephants, still interlocked with Jaspers hand. I didn't see Jasper even look at the elephants. Emmett was laughing at them as they made some noise in animal language while Rosalie just rolled her eyes and gave me a look full of disgust. I just starred at her unbelieving. I couldn't tell if it was me or the animals…I had done nothing to her…What was her-----"

Rosalie giggled. I looked up and Jasper winked. I winked back. Sometimes his charm isn't so bad….

"This is so childish." Edward whispered.

"I know." I whispered back.

We slowly made it past the zebras, all the rare birds, near extinct animals (I had no idea what they were), cheetahs, (Which while we were there Emmett had made the comment, "Oh, Edward look its lunchtime!" Jasper snickered, Alice grinned, Rosalie ignored him, and I just laughed at that. It was kind of funny. Edward could be so serious sometimes. He only glared at me for a moment.) And then we made it to the baboons. The ugliest looking excuse for a monkey I had ever seen. I looked at Emmett's face. He looked like at any moment he would bust out laughing, and then at Edward. He smiled. I couldn't tell if it was for me or the look on Emmett's face. I could only imagine what was going on through his mind….

"Look Rose, your favorite! The------"

Rosalie slapped Emmett at the back of his head cutting him off. He was still at the point of laughter. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice giggle while Jasper was holding her up to see the baboons walking around. Two were in the corner eating their own shit.

"Disgusting." I heard Edward mutter. I nodded my head. Emmett took a step closer toward the cage attempting to mock the monkeys when all of a sudden a gigantic one came out of nowhere letting out the worst noise in the world.

"Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! Whoooooooooooooooo!"

The others joined in and chanted that. It hurt my ears. Edward put his hands over my ears and led me out of the monkey exhibit. Emmett was still mocking the stupid things and Jasper was laughing in the background somewhere.

"That was ridiculous!" Edward said.

"I totally agree. When are we going to get out of here?!" I whined.

"I don't know how much more I can take either." He agreed.

"Hey! Isn't this fun?!" Alice ran up to us. Neither Edward nor I answered.

"Don't be that way you guys. You should lighten up a bit!" Jasper chimed in. Uh-oh. I knew what was coming. I felt enthusiasm, and part of me didn't like it. Emmett and Rosalie came up behind them. Emmett was still caught in his own laughing spell. Rosalie looked out of it. I looked at Edward and he just shook his head. Figured….

We all walked up to the next exhibit, the rhinos. It was the last of the mammals and I was almost glad. Jasper's power was still in effect.

"Ah, look at the baby rhino!" Alice pointed out.

I looked over at what she was pointing out, it was ugly, hideous.

"Ahhh, it's playing in the water hole, how cute." Rosalie snorted.

"Ah, don't be that way baby." Emmett replied.

"That is the most unbelievable, sad excuse for---- Ah, it's so adorable!" Rosalie said. Jasper was so full of it. He had on the wickedest smile. Alice raised her eyebrow.

"I want to take it home! Emmett, can we, please?" Rosalie said.

I looked at Jasper, then at Edward. Alice giggled.

"This is nonsense." Edward said, while shaking his head.

"Jasper, I think you went a bit overboard." I said watching him snicker.

"Okay then, moving on now." Edward said. He looked bored. I was about to comfort him when my stomach growled. I blushed, it was embarrassing.

"Bella, I forgot! I'm so sorry! It's lunchtime." He said.

It was so embarrassing going to the zoo with a bunch of vampires, you being the only one that needs to eat, or snack.

"Um…" was all I said.

"Jasper, you and Alice go on ahead with Emmett and Rosalie. I'm going to take Bella to get something to eat."

They all nodded and went on.

"Well, we finally ditched them." I said.

"Indeed, we did." He replied. "So what do you want?"

We approached the food stand and I said, "I'll just take a hotdog and a coke."

"One hotdog and a coke." Edward ordered.

Once he got my hotdog and coke we sat down over under an umbrella. It was beginning to drizzle.

"This must have been some day for you." he mused.

"Some day." I agreed.

He laughed. "The look on Rosalie's face at the rhino's was priceless."

"I know." I laughed along with him.

"Mommy, mommy, I want to see the penguins! The penguins!" I heard some little girl begging to her mom.

"Maybe next time, it's beginning to rain."

"Ah!"

I looked at Edward. "I want to see the penguins! Can we? Pwease?" I mocked the little girl.

"Are you joking?" He said.

I laughed, "Why, not?"

He gave me the funniest look. Probably to see if I was sure or not. I thought it would be interesting since I've never seen a penguin before. I mean I've lived in phoenix my whole life until just a year ago.

"Sure." He said.


	5. Chapter 5

NOTE: Sorry guys. This one took a while I know. My computer's had a virus and well….you know how it is. Stupid scumbag yeah I know. So here's the second to last chapter. What a blast it's been. I finally found a small spot for those lemons. I get so carried away sometimes. Nothing bad though. Haha. So enjoy.

Jasper P.O.V.

Once Edward and Bella left I took the first chance I got to get away from Emmett and Rosalie. I grabbed her hand and we were running.

"Jasper…" Alice's voice was suspicious but she knew.

I led her to the stables. There was a bathroom right next to it, and I got an idea.

Alice P.O.V.

"Jasper, what are you doing?" I asked even though I really didn't need to ask.

I knew what he was up to and thought it would be fun to play along.

"I think you know what I'm doing."

And just like that I felt an emotion so strong it almost paralyzed me, causing me to instead lung forward on Jasper knocking him into the wall nearby. I surprised him for a short instant and he was pushing me into one of the bathroom stalls. I didn't know if it was for the men or women, nor did I care. He was already kissing me aggressively but I though I'd be daring. I let out my tongue and started to lick his side of his face. I worked my way on down. He shook his head and yanked my shirt off while I ripped his shirt off with my teeth. He chuckled.

"Isn't this a little kinky Jasper?" I teased, "A zoo bathroom?"

"That's the idea." he replied as he started to slide his hands up my bra and then down to my skirt buckle.

I threw his jeans off before he could even begin to take off my skirt. We were on each other now, rocking against each other. I knew today would be fun.

Rosalie P.O.V.

I was so glad Jasper and Alice ditched us. It was great enough to know Edward and Bella weren't around and now them. They were starting to get annoying. Every two minutes I would hear Alice shriek and yell out, "Jasper!"

It was gross, sickening. I didn't deserve to endure such. This whole zoo trip is enough to endure. I'm actually rather bored. Bored to death.

Emmett tugged on my arm, interrupting my train of thought and whispered in my ear, "Rose Baby, do you want to start that honey moon a little early? No one's around…"

That's so Emmett. I slapped his ass. Oh what the hell. There's not much to do in a zoo anyway. "Baby." he let out.

"Just a little quickey. Nothing else."

"You got it!" he yelled.

I just rolled my eyes and he led me to the nearest bathroom. Some stable. The stables…ewww.

Edward P.O.V.

"Awww. It's so cute!" Bella pointed out as she saw a penguin run across the glass.

"Yes, it is."

I wasn't looking at the penguin at all. I found animals to be boring. Especially the one's that aren't even worth eating. What a relief it was to not have the others around making immature and vile comments every time I touched Bella. Emmett and Jasper were making it a hobby to tease me at any chance they got. Just because I feared for Bella's soul, it was torture. Especially right now. Bella looks so incredibly amazing. If only I did change her and maybe I should change her…she's just so….so…so…..

"Edward? Did you hear me? I said don't you want to see what the others are up to?"

"Hmm, oh no they'll be alright. It's only the zoo. What possibly could go wrong?" I did a double take, "Then again…..I'm not so sure…"

"Well it's getting late. Look its dawn. I think we should check on them."

"We should be heading back then. I wouldn't want Charlie worrying about you---"

I was interrupted by a loud splash. I knew who it was though. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. It was always so loud and obnoxious.

"Oh no you don't!" Emmett yelled.

He was already wrestling Jasper in the huge zoo water fountain over by the café. I rushed over taking Bella's hand, to see what was going on. The penguins would have to wait.

I watched as Jasper punched Emmett only to be thrown down again in the water, creating a huge splash that landed on both me and Bella.

"Ugh!" Bella let out a screech.

"That's it!" I'd had enough of Jasper and Emmett messing with everything up for the rest of us. So I ran over to them and extended my fist out.

Emmett P.O.V.

"Just a little bit further." I said to Rose.

"Jasper hurry up. I hear Emmett." I heard Alice say to Jasper.

OH. MY. GOD. That's what Alice and Jasper were running off to! This is too good to be true. I walked in the bathroom and let out a whistle.

"Woo hoo! Go Jasper and Alice!"

"Emmett!" Jasper yelled.

I heard a zipper and threw open the door. I couldn't hold it anymore and was on the floor laughing.

"The look on your face." I tried to let out.

"You think that's funny?"

And before I knew it I was in the air about to land in a water fountain. That would of hurt bad if I was human. I looked up and was splashed in the face because Jasper came right out after me.

Bella P.O.V.

I looked up stunned at Alice and she just giggled. I couldn't believe my eyes. Edward was fighting his…his…own brothers in public! Rosalie came up behind Alice and snorted, "My God."

"This is crazy." I said.

"Ridiculous." Rosalie said.

"It gets better." Alice replied.

We both looked at her, "What?!"

I couldn't take this.

"Edward!" I yelled out, but he ignored me.

I looked at the mess the fountain was. There was a crowd forming around the fountain and water was everywhere. I kept my distance. Not wanting to get soaked again, although at this point I don't think it mattered.

I thought I'd try again, "Edward Cullen! Listen to me damnit! They're not worth it…."

Before I knew it a whole wave came over me and several other people.

I screamed. Now so angry tears were forming. I walked off. I let the tears stream down my face. I didn't care. I had enough.

"Unbelievable!" I yelled.

Before I knew it Edward was at my side, "Bella, Bella, please calm down!" I'm so sorry! Bella!"

"Edward, you are so---"

I heard a loud whistle and turned around. There was a whole gang of zoo-workers surrounding the fountain yelling orders for Jasper and Emmett to get out of the fountain.

I couldn't believe my eyes. I just stood there and starred in disbelief.

"This can't be happening." I said to myself.

Edward looked at me, "I'm so sorry Bella, this has turned into a disaster."

I just shook my head.

Jasper and Emmett were being escorted out of the fountain now.

"Weren't you the one at the reptile house?" A zoo-worker said to Emmett.

"Come on, let's get out of here, I think we've had enough drama for one day." Edward said to me.

He put his hand on my back and led me out of the zoo. I was so grateful.

Alice P.O.V.

I laughed at Jasper, "You look like a wet dog."

"Thanks." He muttered.

I turned around and looked at Rosalie. She looked embarrassed. After all Emmett did make a fool out of himself earlier, but that was only him. It was priceless. She just glared at me and I turned back to Jasper.

"It's cute though."

"Yeah, sure."

"Come on." I took his hand and led him out of the zoo. I stopped when I saw Edward drive up to us in the Volvo. He looked irritated.

"They look happy." I said to sarcastically.

I opened the door for Jasper and let him get in first. Rosalie and Emmett were getting in their car.

"This time, I'm driving." Rosalie snorted.

"Fine." Emmett said.

I didn't see what his problem was. After all, later on he would get a nice honey moon again. Rosalie would come around. I saw that. Just like I saw today and how fun it was. I was probably the only one that got a real kick out of everything.

"You're wrong. It was pretty funny when those monkey's got all riled up at Emmett." Edward said.

"Ha, your right." I said, "What a day."

"Sure." Jasper said. I wrapped my arms around him.

"Ah, cheer up. We got a nice home to look forward to."

I had a vision of Esme yelling at Jasper and Edward snickered.

"What's so funny?" Bella asked.

"Yeah." Jasper chimed in.

"You'll see."

I grinned. More like feel.


	6. Chapter 6

NOTE: Ah Ha! The last chapter to this wonderful screw around story. I would like to conclude that I thank everyone for what little reviews I've gotten. I loved writing this. It helped math seem a whole lot more exciting. (Ha! in a very non mathematical way.)

Alice P.O.V.

"Da Da! We're here!" I shouted as we reared into the newly built garage.

"Finally." Jasper muttered. I took his hand and jerked him a long in one of my dances.

"Where's Emmett and Rosalie?" I heard Bella ask.

"Oh, they made a little pit-stop on the way. They're not that far behind." Edward answered.

"Oh."

I ran up to the house with Jasper and stopped. Esme was starring us down, hands on her hips, while leaning on one of the front posts of our house. Edward and Bella came up behind. I heard Edward snicker in one of his ghostly chuckles no one would hear.

"And just WHERE HAVE YOU ALL BEEN?!" She shouted, but not too loud considering the fact that Bella was nearby. I felt Jasper cringe and accidentally give me some of his emotion of fear.

"Now, Esme, please calm down. Now just listen to me." He tried to explain. It was so cute, when he was pathetic and all. I love him.

I saw Esme's face change a little but then it quickly gained its original anger back. She looked angrier this time. _Nice try Jasper_, I thought.

"Esme, just listen, it was only a little accident, n-nothing to w-worry about---" Jasper stammered.

"Jasper Hale! After all I've done for you! This is how you REPAY ME! YOU BROKE MY DINING ROOM WINDOW! The MOST expensive and hardest to put on window!"

"It wasn't just Jasper's fault." I tried to help him.

She gave me a glare and spat out, "Emmett."

"Yeah, it was all his fault. You should have seen the way he just threw me out of that window! I was only trying to get him out of that house. We were running so late…and…"

Oh my gosh. Jasper's lying, lying so bad. To think that Esme could ever buy such a mess. My poor baby. He's doomed and Emmett's no where to be seen. Speaking of which…

_Where the hell is Emmett? Shouldn't he be here by now?_ I saw him coming but not this late. I focused in on a vision.

"Oooooo! Emmett! I want this one! It's shiny…and sparkly…and its soooo beautiful…ooooo Alice would be sooooo jealous. Jasper never has given her something like this before…."

"It's very pricey Rose. Oh well, I guess you do deserve it…."

"Thank you! Thank you Emmett! Oh baby I love you!"

"Anytime."

I saw Emmett as he paid the jeweler a whole wad of cash and slide the shiny clean-cut huge diamond ring on Rosalie's finger.

"Why….that little fucker…." I screamed.

"Alice?" Jasper was tugging on my shoulder wandering what was bugging me, obviously.

"How DARE SHE! Why that little slut!" I had exploded. Lost it. And that little bitch was going to get it. It's one thing to be a pricey whore but to go off talking about my Jasper like that! _My_ _Jasper_! He buys me pricey things too sometimes, but it's not in the open for everyone to know.

"My God. That little bitch! I'll kill her!"

"Alice!" Jasper was yelling now, "What?" In the background I heard Bella whisper something to Edward but I didn't care.

I couldn't look at him. I was too upset now. "Rosalie." I spitted out.

I felt this calm sense overwhelm me and I relaxed. Only at that precise moment the little slut's car drove up our driveway and headed right past us.

Edward P.O.V.

"What's wrong with her?" Bella asked, startled at the way Alice was acting.

"She's just not really at good terms with Rosalie at the moment." I tried to say, the best I could, without snickering.

Alice was having a fit in her head and I was the lucky one that got to hear it.

At that precise moment Rosalie and Emmett pulled into the driveway and I saw Alice dart off before Jasper could grab her. Esme was in denial. Her whole rage had been turned around. _Priceless_. I thought.

We all turned around and saw Alice jerk Rosalie's door open and throw her out. Rosalie was on the ground but not for long since Alice jumped her. I've never seen Alice like this in quite some time. It was insane, but amusing.

Jasper followed but when I thought he was going to help out Alice he only jumped Emmett as he tried to help Rosalie. Rosalie was fighting back now trying to pull Alice's hair but it was too short. Alice did the same and Rosalie screamed.

"You Bitch!" she screamed.

Emmett had Jasper in his arms, pinned but quickly lost control as Jasper used his powers and took control. He got hold of Emmett and threw him. He landed in a big pile of glass, the remains of the window from the dining room. I saw Esme's face go beyond white; her hands balled in fists, and had the darkest glare I'd ever seen on her.

_How dare they! They are making me look like a fool! I am the mother here! How dare they! My Window! Okay. That's it!_

Uh-oh. I took Bella in my arms and moved away near the far front of the yard. It was the safest position.

"Edward I'm scared." She whispered.

"Don't worry; it'll be alright Carlisle's on his way at this exact moment."

"JASPER, EMMETT, ROSALIE, AND ALICE CULLEN YOU BETTER STOP THIS RIGHT NOW BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AND SEND YOU ALL STRAIGHT TO HELL!"

At that precise moment Carlisle drove up so fast and skidded his Mercedes to a stop on the driveway. He got out in a rush and yelled.

"WHAT THE HELL is going on here, I'm gone for 3 short hours and this is what I come home to! May GOD be with you all!"

"Thank you!" Esme shouted.

They all stopped and looked up at him. Startled obviously, to see him home so early.

Rosalie looked up with dirt smeared all over her face and clothes. Her hair was in a mess.

Alice had dirt on her face too but only in two small smears. Her arms and legs were covered in dirt.

Emmett had grass stains all over him and the funniest look on his face.

Jasper was covered in grass stains too but was glaring at Emmett.

_Priceless_. Bella looked so scared.

"I'm sorry you had to see that Sweetie." I whispered in her ear. She just nodded and rested her head on my chest. I brushed her hair back.

"Everybody in the house NOW!" Carlisle shouted.

They all single-filed walked into the house with their heads bowed down. Rosalie was glaring at Alice and Esme gave her a look.

I watched Esme and Carlisle follow right after and glance back and me and Bella.

"Why's Carlisle so upset? He wasn't here." Bella asked.

"Oh, he's just mad at what everyone put Esme through." I replied, and he really was. The only fuse Carlisle had was Esme. If you made her upset he would be too. I had years of my own experience to know that.

"Oh."

At that point Carlisle stepped out of the door and motioned for me and Bella. I nodded. Bella looked up at me confused, "He wants to hear our side of the story." I explained.

"Of course." She said, and just like that we walked into the living room.

Rosalie was pouting on the couch next to Emmett. Beside them was Alice and Jasper holding hands while glaring at Emmett and Rosalie. Esme was seated on the big arm-chair for Carlisle and starred us down. I dragged Bella to the farest chair away from them, just in case, and sat her on my lap. I felt her blush. To think she could blush at a time like this. I smiled at her crookedly.

"Now, I want the whole story. Edward." Carlisle said as he sat down besides Esme.

"Yes. Well you see it all started when Emmett and Rosalie were in fight, and Emmett came to me with a plan…."

"What?" Esme asked, in a stunned way.

Rosalie just rolled her eyes.

"I did not!" Emmett tried to save himself.

"You don't have permission to speak." Carlisle said, Emmett just grunted.

"He wanted to ….raise her spirits…. so he suggested the zoo…."

"The ZOO!" Esme shouted. "_The_ _Zoo_!"

Carlisle just raised his eyebrows and busted out laughing.

I grinned, "Yes, the zoo."

"What were you _thinking_?!" Esme shouted at Emmett, Carlisle still chuckling away.

Carlisle gained his straight face back, as a result of Esme's behavior, "The Zoo. With this bunch?….Unbelievable!"

Bella snickered, and I grinned at her which made her blush.

"It wasn't so bad." Alice stated, "We just let out a snake (I felt Bella cringe) pissed off the monkey's, and had some fun in the water fountain, which by the way was really funny, and got ourselves kicked out of the zoo, in a way of coarse."

"What?!" Esme and Carlisle both shouted at the same time.

"Yep, that about sums it all up." Jasper muttered.

Carlisle couldn't contain it anymore and was hysterically laughing in his arm chair. Esme gave him a look and slapped him.

"Carlisle do something!"

He straightened up and cleared his throat. "Now, I am very and most sincerely, deeply, ashamed at you all."

He coughed to try to cover up another laugh. I just chuckled.

"Jasper, you shouldn't have broken Esme's window with your lunatics. I am taking away some of you and Alice's private time so you can go to Home Depot in Seattle and replace what you have done. Esme, if you want you can go with him."

Jasper muttered, "Fine."

"I will gladly go." Esme said.

"Now Alice, Rosalie, I don't know what your problem is with each other but you two must make up and by making up I mean seriously, no immature crap. I want you two to do the yard work since I can see how much you two both enjoy to dig up the soil and make a mess out of yourselves."

"What?!" Rosalie shouted. "How can you do that?! I hate getting dirty! That's too much! You're going overboard!"

"Oh stop acting like a child, Rose." Alice said.

"How dare you call me that!"

"ROSALIE! ALICE! Get a hold of yourselves!" Carlisle shouted.

They got the message and just glared at one another. Rosalie waved her ring finger at Alice.

"Now, Emmett. I have a special punishment for you……"

Emmett looked so confused, "Wha---"

"Bella." Carlisle said.

I looked at Bella. I didn't see this coming but knew it would be harmless, well for Bella anyway. She got off my lap and grinned at me. I kissed her hand, and watched her walk into the kitchen.

"Carlisle, what on earth-----?" Esme said.

Right on cue, Bella came out with a huge, gigantic, enormous watermelon. The size of Alaska practically and was chewing on it. She had a whole mouthful of it and it was dripping off her shirt and on the floor.

Emmett screamed.

"GET IT AWAY! GET IT AWAY!"

"Emmett….don't you want a watermelon?" Bella asked, in a coy way.

She was enjoying this, I could clearly tell. This was her way of getting revenge. Poor Emmett. Now he'll understand why I'm always surrendering to Bella.

"No! Nooo! NOOOOOO!!! BELLA! GET IT AWAY! BELLA! NO! DON'T COME ANY CLOSER!"

"Emmett……" Bella was walking toward Emmett now and he was out of his chair backing away against the door.

"No! No! Get that thing away!"

"Mmmmmm. Good. Emmett don't you want a little-itty-bitty-bite?"

"No! NO! NOOOOOO!"

He couldn't take it anymore and just like that, Emmett jerked open the door and ran out. He was long gone now. We wouldn't be seeing him anytime soon. I thought of who would have to go rescue him. _Probably Rosalie. Only she could do that_.

I looked at Bella's messy mouth covered in watermelon and grinned. I walked over to her and threw the watermelon out the door. If Emmett came back he would have to face it again ha.

I kissed her messy mouth. She looked cute in a way. "Mmmm. Sticky."

"Hehe, I know." She giggled.

"Well, that was interesting." Esme said.

"Yes, it was. Thanks Bella for your help." Carlisle said.

"Pleasures mine."

"You're sick. You all are." Rosalie shouted and ran out the door after Emmett.

I laughed. This was the dirtiest I've ever seen her. Bella joined in, this time followed by Jasper and Alice.

"I don't get it. Why did Emmett act like that? It was just a watermelon." Esme asked.

I laughed. "Emmett is terrified of watermelons. I don't know why, but there is something about them that makes him want to scream like a girl and run off."

"Ha. So true." Jasper said, "I almost forgot. Good one Bella."

"Thanks." she said squeezing my hand.

"Wow, how did I not know this?" Esme trailed off into space.

"Simple, it's some thing that happened to Emmett a long time ago when he was human and he's never forgotten it. Only Rosalie knows the true story. We found out accidentally when Jasper and I was playing baseball with it, since we had no baseball." I explained.

"Incredible." Esme said.

"Hilarious." Jasper said.

"Crazy." Alice chimed in taking Jasper's hand and leading him up the stairs.

Carlisle laughed, "Amusing."

"True. True, true, true." I said and took Bella's hand, "Come on Angel, let's get you back to Charlie's. We're running a little bit late."

"You're right." We both said bye and were on our way out the door.

"Can I drive?" Bella asked.

"Nice try, but no."

"You're mean."

"Ah, you love me and you know it."

"You're still mean."

"You love me."

She shook her head and I gave her another kiss.

"Mmmm. I do."


	7. Chapter 7 Note People!

EVERYONE!

I have important news to all you zoorama fans and that is that I have decided to create a sequel since, I really didn't want to end the story-line for zoorama. I have chapter 1 up and ready to go. So check it out and review.

It's called, da da da daaa!

"Suprisearama"


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